Lately I’ve been at a loss for words. Which is not “like me.”
I struggle to trust the purposes of God as I pray for two dear families with new babies.
There is a new little son whose brain is filling with debris. His mama nurses him, his daddy holds him in the wee hours, his big sister reads him storybooks. Their hearts are being knit together in a love that will have to say good bye. Yet, this young family is choosing to believe that God, in grace, is using death to lead them to where life can be found. They are finding in each day not a death sentence, but a life-gift.
There is a new little daughter lying in NICU with a tangle of tubes bringing life. Within a moment of time, she left the warmth of her mother’s womb and was whisked away to a world of medical technology. I follow her photos on Facebook: the first kiss from her mama, the fleece blanket covering her, all tied together by her sister’s little hands. Oh she is very much loved! And her father is resolute as he writes: “We know God is in control however hard that is to understand.”
There is an ache in my heart that must leave unanswered questions at the feet of a sovereign Savior. And I must know that God is at work, not only in the lives of these dear families, but in the lives of all of us who love them.
I realize that it is easy to live in the sunshine. It is harder to live in the shadows of uncertainty where we are called to trust in a God we don’t always understand. Yet in those shadows, we must learn to look for His graces and for His beauty. And that beauty really isn’t hard to find if we will simply see.
Just this week, my daughter ran into the house, begging me to come and see something outside. She is my “almost-teenager” who hasn’t lost her sense of wonder, yet I was surprised by her heart, all open to the awe of what she saw.
It was, simply, a web.
A web caught in a rainstorm, strung with tiny drops of glass.
A web that we would not have seen if it hadn’t been caught in liquid relief against the green of the leaves.
Yes, there is beauty revealed in the midst of the rain. There is the promised crown. And there is the hope of life.